A COLLECTION OF GOOD WORDS
幽默
Humour
Manners come down to a single principle, talk of nothing that might actually prove interesting.
礼貌可以归结为一个原则，不谈任何可能被证明是有趣的事情。
You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my “warped” label with pride.
你们不是第一个这样说的人，将来也不会是最后一个。我自豪地戴着“扭曲”的标签。
In my book, water was only good for one thing...when I remember what that is, I'll let you know.
在我的书中，水只有一个好处……等我想起来了，我会告诉你的。
Some battles don’t have a winner. Sometimes the best a good general can hope for is a ceasefire.
有些战斗没有赢家。有时候，一个好将军所能希望的最好的结果就是停火。
I would say happy new year but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.
我会说新年快乐，但它并不快乐;除了天气变冷外，和去年一模一样。
She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it.
她必须同意我。这可能需要一段时间，但我有信心能骗过她。
If natural selection can create creationists it can manage a caterpillar with a face on its arse.
如果自然选择能够创造出神创论者，那么它就能够管理屁股上长着一张脸的毛毛虫。
Just the other day in the underground I enjoyed the pleasure of offering my seat to three ladies.
就在前几天，在地铁里，我很高兴地给三位女士让座。
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
但愿上帝能给我一个明确的指示!比如以我的名义在瑞士银行存一大笔钱。
What's the rule for fighting? Hit the soft parts with your hand and the hard parts with a utensil?
战斗的规则是什么?用手击打软的部分，用器具击打硬的部分。
He was under the mistaken impression that I didn't have enough tact. The truth was, I had no tact.
他误以为我不够老练。事实是，我没有机智。
If you don't remove your hands immediately, I will render you unable to biologically maintain life.
如果你不马上把手拿开，我将使你无法从生理上维持生命。
KEEP EXPLORING
沿着这个主题，再读几句。
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
一项新的研究表明，严重的恐惧症会加速衰老。但如果我最大的恐惧是衰老呢?
Advertising - a judicious mixture of flattery and threats.
广告——奉承和威胁的明智结合。
life is like wheel it goes around and comes around.
生活就像轮子，它不停地转啊转。
When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.
当你溺水时，你不会说“如果有人有先见之明发现我溺水并来救我，我会非常高兴”，你只是尖叫。
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
我喜欢最后期限。我喜欢它们经过时发出的嗖嗖声。
On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
总的来说，人类想要变好，但不是太好，也不是一直都很好。