I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

-- Mitch Hedberg 米奇·赫德伯格

我希望我的名字是布莱恩，因为有时人们会拼错我的名字，叫我布莱恩。这就像免费的赞美，你甚至不需要聪明地去注意它。

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Even though I disagree with many of the changes, when I see the privates graduate at the end of the day, when they walk off that drill field at the end of the ceremony, they are still fine privates; outstanding, well motivated privates.

尽管我不同意很多改变，但当我看到士兵们在一天结束时毕业，当他们在典礼结束时走出操场时，他们仍然是优秀的士兵;优秀的，动机良好的士兵。

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If we notice a few errors in the work of a proven master, we may and even will often be correct; if we believe, however, that he is completely and utterly mistaken, we are in danger of missing his entire concept.

如果我们注意到一个已被证明是大师的作品中的一些错误，我们可能甚至常常是正确的;然而，如果我们认为他是完全错误的，我们就有失去他整个概念的危险。

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Every meal should end with something sweet. Maybe it's jelly on toast at breakfast, or a small piece of chocolate at dinner - but it always helps my brain bring a close to the meal.

每顿饭都应该以甜食结束。也许是早餐时涂在吐司上的果冻，或者晚餐时吃一小块巧克力——但它总是能帮助我的大脑在用餐时更接近尾声。

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If you look closely at a tree you'll notice it's knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully.

如果你仔细观察一棵树，你会发现它结满了结，树枝也死了，就像我们的身体一样。我们学到的是，美与不完美完美地结合在一起。

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It's risky in a marriage for a man to come home too late, but it can sometimes pose an even greater risk if he comes home too early.

在婚姻中，男人回家太晚是有风险的，但如果他回家太早，有时会带来更大的风险。

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God and death kind of resemble each other, because the only time a lot of people will try and talk to God is when someone's died.

上帝和死亡有点相似，因为只有当一个人死了，很多人才会尝试和上帝交谈。

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I don't know that I have a fascination with witches per se - well, maybe I just have a fascination with everything that's weird.

我不知道我是否对女巫本身有一种魔力——也许我只是对所有奇怪的东西都有一种魔力。

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Individuals learn faster than institutions and it is always the dinosaur's brain that is the last to get the new messages.

个人的学习速度比机构快，而且总是恐龙的大脑最晚获得新信息。

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And I would rather be standing outside in the freezing cold with you than be warm in the arms of someone else.

我宁愿和你一起站在寒冷的户外，也不愿温暖地依偎在别人的怀里。

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I think hopefully we've got enough brain cells left to decide if our music is really worth something.

我希望我们有足够的脑细胞来决定我们的音乐是否真的有价值。

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Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.

我们所说的管理，大部分是让人们难以完成工作。

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Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.

请注意，诱惑的低语比最响亮的使命召唤更能被人听到。

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Humanity I love you because when you're hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink.

人性，我爱你，因为当你手头拮据的时候，你会用你的智慧去买一杯酒。

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The human brain must continue to frame the problems for the electronic machine to solve.

人类的大脑必须继续把问题框定下来，让电子机器来解决。

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Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. Some people are not even worth your words.

有时候，什么也不说是最好的。有些人甚至不值得你说。

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Candor is a compliment it implies equality. It's how true friends talk.

坦率是一种恭维，它意味着平等。真正的朋友就是这么说的。

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Sometimes I'm so smart, I almost feel like a real person.

有时候我很聪明，我几乎觉得自己像一个真实的人。

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Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can.

你能想象如果我能做所有我能做的。

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Sometimes when the going gets tough, people give up.

有时候，当事情变得艰难时，人们会放弃。

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We must believe in free will, we have no choice.

我们必须相信自由意志，我们别无选择。

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I can live for two months on a good compliment.

只凭一句赞美的话我就可以充实地活上两个月。

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You have to be smart. The easy days are over.

你得聪明点。轻松的日子结束了。

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Maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame.

也许这是我和我盲目的乐观主义造成的。

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You gotta have a body.

你得有个身体。

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I like free gowns.

我喜欢免费的礼服。

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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

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