I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

-- Mitch Hedberg 米奇·赫德伯格

我希望我的名字是布莱恩，因为有时人们会拼错我的名字，叫我布莱恩。这就像免费的赞美，你甚至不需要聪明地去注意它。

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Maybe it's legitimate criticism, though it can be hurtful. Maybe I haven't paid sufficient attention to the people with whom I would have a natural affinity as a liberal, and they feel let down by that.

也许这是合理的批评，尽管它可能是有害的。也许我没有足够重视那些和我有自然亲和力的自由派人士，他们对此感到失望。

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Pessimists are the people who have no hope for themselves or for others. Pessimists are also people who think the human race is beneath their notice, that they're better than other human beings.

悲观主义者是那些对自己或他人没有希望的人。悲观主义者也认为人类不值得他们注意，他们比其他人更好。

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Abstract painting is abstract. It confronts you. There was a reviewer a while back who wrote that my pictures didn't have any beginning or any end. He didn't mean it as a compliment, but it was.

抽象绘画是抽象的。它面对你。前阵子有个评论家说我的画没有开头也没有结尾。他不是想恭维你，但确实是。

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Would you bet your paycheck on a weather forecast for tomorrow? If not, then why should this country bet billions on global warming predictions that have even less foundation?

你会把你的薪水赌在明天的天气预报上吗?如果不是，那么为什么这个国家要把数十亿美元押在基础更薄弱的全球变暖预测上呢?

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Another thing that I don't like to do is show too much how it goes. I do it once in a blue moon. Sometimes there are lessons when I don't pick up a violin at all.

另一件我不喜欢做的事是展示太多事情的进展。我很少这样做。有时候上课的时候我根本不拿小提琴。

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Every journalist who is not too stupid or too full of himself to notice what is going on knows that what he does is morally indefensible.

每一个不太愚蠢或太自以为是而不去注意正在发生的事情的记者都知道，他所做的在道德上是站不住脚的。

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The human brain is a wonderful organ. It starts to work as soon as you are born and doesn't stop until you get up to deliver a speech.

人类的大脑是一个奇妙的器官。它从你一出生就开始起作用，直到你起床演讲时才停止。

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If we had paid no more attention to our plants than we have to our children, we would now be living in a jungle of weed.

如果我们不像关心孩子一样关心我们的植物，我们现在就会生活在杂草丛生的丛林中。

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The thing is that, often if you have time to research a role, sometimes it's hard to know exactly where to start.

问题是，通常如果你有时间研究一个角色，有时候很难确切地知道从哪里开始。

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I wish to lead a life free from care, and I see that I shall be unhappy if I cannot always work at my art.

我希望过一种无忧无虑的生活，我明白，如果我不能一直从事我的艺术，我将是不幸福的。

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When people laugh at Mickey Mouse, it's because he's so human; and that is the secret of his popularity.

当人们嘲笑米老鼠时，那是因为他是如此的人性化;这就是他受欢迎的秘密。

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I'm not smart, but I like to observe. Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.

我不聪明，但我喜欢观察。数以百万计的人看到苹果掉下来，但牛顿是问为什么的人。

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Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.

我们所说的管理，大部分是让人们难以完成工作。

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The human brain must continue to frame the problems for the electronic machine to solve.

人类的大脑必须继续把问题框定下来，让电子机器来解决。

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I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.

我不能告诉你天才是不是遗传的，因为上天没有给我后代。

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I would like to crawl under the sheets with you and cuddle until sunrise, forever.

我愿意和你一起爬到被窝里，依偎着直到日出，永远。

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A brain with no heart and no reasoning ... well, nothing is more meaningless.

一个没有心，没有理性的大脑……没有什么比这更没有意义了。

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Ninety-nine percent of people now call me The Hoff - and it's out of respect.

现在99%的人叫我霍夫，这是出于尊重。

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It has been said that I make chick flicks. This is not a compliment.

有人说我拍女性电影。这不是赞美。

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Free and civilized societies do not hold prisoners incommunicado.

自由文明的社会不会孤立地关押囚犯。

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If you want the rainbow... You've gotta put up with the rain.

如果你想要彩虹……你得忍受这雨。

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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

我用酒做饭，有时我甚至把它加到食物里。

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After pleasant scratching comes unpleasant smarting.

愉快的抓挠之后，随之而来的是不愉快的刺痛。

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Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.

也许是我们的错误造就了我们的命运。

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To be the man, you gotta beat the man!

要成为男人，你必须打败男人!

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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

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