I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.

我坚信让我们的节目与众不同的是它的幽默。

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

我总是准备学习，虽然我不总是喜欢被教。

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

我很容易满足于最好的。

I am hated for loving. I am haunted for wanting.

我因爱而被恨。 我为匮乏而苦恼。

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

我完全掌握了挖苦人的惊人本领。

I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic.

我是专业写作硕士，教授幽默写作、文学和戏剧。

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

我不是素食主义者，因为我爱动物;我是素食主义者，因为我讨厌植物。

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

我不害怕死亡，我只是不想在它发生的时候在场。

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

我太聪明了，有时我连自己在说什么都听不懂。

I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.

我是爱的考古学家。我在挖掘我几十年前射杀并埋葬的亲人的遗骨。

I applied for the University of Life. Didn't get the grades.

我申请了生活大学。没有拿到成绩。

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

我问人们为什么他们的墙上有鹿头。他们总是说，因为它是如此美丽的动物。那就这样吧。我觉得我妈妈很迷人，但我有她的照片。

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.

我的时尚品味大多建立在不痒的东西上。

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

我相信娱乐可以立志成为艺术，也可以成为艺术，但如果你一开始就想做艺术，那你就是个白痴。

I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.

我相信经济学家在他们的预测中加入小数点是为了显示他们有幽默感。