The nice thing about being an empty-headed pessimist is that that your glass is only half air.

空着脑袋悲观主义者的好处是，你的杯子里只有一半的空气。

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

随着年龄的增长，我越来越不相信“年龄带来智慧”这一老生常谈。

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.

我所能给予的唯一礼物，就是接受的能力。如果给予是一种礼物，而且确实是，那么我给你的礼物就是允许你给我。

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.

对于好的建议，唯一能做的就是把它传递下去。它对自己从来没有任何用处。

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

女人改造男人的唯一方法就是让他彻底厌烦，让他对生活失去所有可能的兴趣。

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

度过人生的唯一方法就是笑着度过。你要么笑，要么哭。我喜欢笑。哭使我头痛。

The payment for sins can be delayed. But they can't be avoided.

赎罪可以推迟。但这是无法避免的。

The perfect neighbour lives next door to someone else.

完美的邻居是别人的邻居。

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

为傻瓜写作的人总是有大批的读者。

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

一个人，不管是绅士还是女士，如果对一本好的小说不感兴趣，那他一定是愚蠢得令人无法忍受。

The phrase 'unconscious humor' is the one contribution I have made to the current literature of the day.

“无意识幽默”是我对当代文学的贡献之一。

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down.

肉的价格上涨了，而你的老太太的价格也下降了。

The problem with the designated driver programme, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At then end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.

指定司机项目的问题是，这不是一个理想的工作。但如果你曾经沉迷其中，那就尽情享受吧。然后晚上把他们送到错误的房子。

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

冬季运动的问题是——请跟紧我——它们通常发生在冬季。

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

公众非常宽容。它宽恕一切，除了天才。