A COLLECTION OF GOOD WORDS
喜剧演员
Comedian
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
我经常从做一个局外人中得到乐趣。它让我变得有创造力。
I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
我总是在正确的时间和地点。当然，我是自己开车去的。
My only goal as a comedian was to stomp the life out of the model-minority myth.
作为一名喜剧演员，我唯一的目标就是打破模特少数族裔的神话。
Chaplin was notoriously strict with his sons and rarely gave them spending money.
卓别林对他的儿子们是出了名的严格，很少给他们花钱。
Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
女性牧师。太好了,太好了。现在我不听男女神父的。
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
对一个真正的喜剧演员的考验是你是否在他开口之前就嘲笑他。
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
我并不想让人觉得我很刻薄、冷酷或残忍，但我就是这样，所以结果就是这样。
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
如果你心里没有任何慈善，你就有最严重的心脏病。
Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.
喜剧演员是真正的作家，他们身边没有钢笔和铅笔，但他们即兴发挥。
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
好消息是耶稣回来了。坏消息是他真的很生气。
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
现在让我们来阐明婚姻的一个基本事实:妻子当家作主。
I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.
我不认识宇航员。有很多人说他们想成为喜剧演员。
KEEP EXPLORING
沿着这个主题，再读几句。
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
看电视就像给你的第三只眼睛涂上黑色喷漆。
Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.
是啊，我们一出校门就搬起石头砸了自己的脚。一开始经营这家公司的人在我们有多少资本的问题上误导了几乎所有人。他说我们有足够的钱过三年不赚钱的日子，也有足够的钱过三个星期。
Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
没有什么比音乐更能把两代人分开了。当一个孩子八九岁的时候，他对自己的音乐产生了一种热情，这种热情甚至超过了他对拖延症和古怪衣服的热情。
Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
不是每只闭着的眼睛都在睡觉，也不是每只睁开的眼睛都在看东西。
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
我并不总是黑人……有个雀斑，它变得越来越大。
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
诗人说过，有孩子的原因是为了让自己长生不老。永生?现在我有五个孩子了，我唯一的希望就是在我死之前他们都离开家。