I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

我经历了生命中一些可怕的事情，其中一些确实发生了。

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.

我得出的结论是，我再也不想结婚了。正因为这个原因，我永远也不会满足于任何一个愚蠢到让我结婚的人。

I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.

我对傻瓜很有信心——我的朋友们称之为自信。

I have just got a new theory of eternity.

我刚刚有了一个关于永恒的新理论。

I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.

我犯了很多恋爱的错误，并且后悔了 大部分都是，但从来没有土豆。

I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.

我把这封信写得比平常长，只是因为我没有时间把它写得短些。

I have never been reduced to begging somebody to leave me alone, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

我从来没有沦落到乞求别人让我一个人静一静的地步，但在你的情况下，我会破例的。

I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.

我这辈子没投过票…我一直都知道并理解大多数人都是白痴，所以他们肯定会赢。

I have no excuse, neither real nor invented so I let my platinum express do the talking instead.

我没有任何借口，既不是真的也不是虚构的，所以我让我的白金快车来代替我说话。

I have so much hate that it has turned into love.

我有如此多的恨，它变成了爱。

I have the death sentence in seven genres.

我有七种类型的死刑。

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

我的品味很简单。我总是对最好的感到满意。

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.

我最近感觉不像我自己。不，我一直觉得自己像我的克隆。

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

我听说在相对论中，空间和时间是一回事。爱因斯坦发现这一点是因为他开会总是迟到三英里。

I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

希望你们对自己满意。我们都有可能被杀——或者更糟，被开除。如果你不介意的话，我要去睡觉了。