My misery is reaching epidemic proportions.

我的痛苦已达到流行病的程度。

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

我的人生使命不仅仅是生存，而是茁壮成长;用一些激情，一些同情，一些幽默，一些风格来做这件事。

My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.

我的下一次呼吸很可能是在你的肺里。明智地储存它，因为我的生命依赖于它。

My tastes are simple: Iam easily satisfied with the best.

我的品味很简单:我很容易满足于最好的。

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

我的进化论是达尔文被采纳了。

My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.

我的幽默类型是不在乎别人是否知道我在说什么。

My undercarriage is a national treasure.

我的起落架是国宝。

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

我开玩笑的方式是说实话。这是世界上最有趣的笑话。

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

我开玩笑的方式是说实话。那是世界上最有趣的笑话。

Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.

神秘的事物迫使人思考，从而损害了他的健康。

Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books.

消极的幽默很快就会被遗忘。正是这些东西让我们对自己的生活感觉更好，让我们活得更长久。更令人满意的。进入儿童书籍。

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

永远不要把可以用愚蠢来充分解释的事情归咎于恶意。

Never believe what they say; they always lie. I have a saying: Whatever they say, do the opposite, and you’ll never go wrong.

永远不要相信他们说的话;他们总是说谎。我有句话说:无论他们说什么，做相反的事，你永远不会出错。

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

永远不要屈服于同伴的压力，尤其是当同伴没有吸引力的时候。

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.

永远不要敲响死亡之门。按门铃然后跑。他非常讨厌那样。