A COLLECTION OF GOOD WORDS
搞笑
Funny
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
女人也许能假装高潮。但是男人可以假装一段完整的关系。
She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.
她说直到你真正从床上站起来你才会醒来。
Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
是的,时间过得真快。它把你带到哪里去了?老太快…聪明的太迟。
And you are going to close the gates, because I told you to close the gates.
你要关上门，因为我告诉过你要关上门。
I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.
我从来没有想过要变得怪怪的。总是别人说我古怪。
Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.
在北方，你坚守着自己的阵地。每个人都认为自己是喜剧演员。
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
蜜蜂从来没有看上去那么忙;只是不能再慢了。
You know why I'm pulling your leg? Because I can't touch it from where I am.
你知道我为什么开你的玩笑吗?因为我不能从我现在的位置触摸它。
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
我告诉我的牙医我的牙齿变黄了。他让我打一条棕色领带。
It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts.
重要的不是你怎么挖鼻子，而是你把鼻屎放在哪里。
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
政治辩论:骗子聚在一起讨论他们的原则。
You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.
你要小心:任何时候任何时候都不要对任何人说“没事”。
KEEP EXPLORING
沿着这个主题，再读几句。
Our scientific age demands that we provide definitions, measurements, and statistics in order to be taken seriously. Yet most of the important things in life cannot be precisely defined or measured. Can we define or measure love, beauty, friendship, or decency, for example?
我们的科学时代要求我们提供定义、测量和统计数据，以便被认真对待。然而，生活中大多数重要的事情都无法精确定义或衡量。例如，我们能定义或衡量爱、美、友谊或体面吗?
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
当我们回忆过去的时候，我们通常会发现，那些最简单的事情，而不是那些伟大的时刻，在我们回想的时候，会给我们带来最大的快乐。
Learning is the indispensable investment required for success in the 'information age' we are entering.
在我们即将进入的“信息时代”，学习是成功必不可少的投资。
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
我们对一个有趣的故事看得越长越仔细，它就变得越悲伤。
When our memories outweigh our dreams, we have grown old.
当我们的记忆超过了我们的梦想，我们就变老了。
What though youth gave love and roses, Age still leaves us friends and wine.
虽然青春给了我们爱情和玫瑰，但岁月给我们留下了朋友和美酒。